Monday, June 14, 2010

CSI Nairobi: Blasting back into some sense

The Tin Man is coming out of self imposed retirement for patriotic duty. I have been unearthed from synthetic obscurity by blasts in the dark of night at a prayer meeting in Nairobi's Uhuru Park. While I will not claim any emoluments, this shall be official duty, coming to the aid of one Mr. Iteere who I am certain is at odds and ends as to how exactly to handle the embarrassing lapse of security at a very public event. He has called on the military to come and do his job. Shame on him! Most of all, I am coming to the aid of all those deficient in common sense and likely to be swayed by the idiocy of Nay sayers desperate for at least some attention from the electorate.

Thursday, April 22, 2010

Arap Some-more-ei: My Congratulations to Mr. Ruto

Dear Mr. Ruto,

On behalf of free thinkers in the Kenyan society, I would like to congratulate you on your recent promotion to Minister of Higher Education. I believe that such an ascension was a long time coming and am glad your bosses have finally realised your worth. I know there have been misinterpretations in the media that your transfer to the Ministry of Higher Education was a “demotion”. That is complete ignorance from the fourth estate. I mean, do they not see that economies move from an agricultural era into an information and education era? Is it not obvious even from the names of the ministries which is superior? You moved from a plain Ministry of Agriculture to the Ministry of Higher Education. Even an idiot knows that higher is a superlative form of the word high. But that is beside the point. What matters is that you now have the confidence of the coalition partners who have decided that you can serve this great nation in a greater capacity. I will give you four reasons why I think so.

Saturday, April 17, 2010

Bursting the Bible Bubble - Allow me to share some points of truth

The Candid Tin Man will not shy away from controversy regardless of the implications. If it is truth then let it be said as truth. If it is not true, let it not be said as true. So when I stumbled upon a collection of contradictions in the Bible, I was excited. I was excited because subscribers to the Christian faith, based entirely on the accounts of the Bible will shy away from any assertions or allusions to the fact that the Bible may be erroneous and a human account of a Judaic time in History. Many readers will decide at this moment to not proceed to see exactly where the holes are in the good book. They would rather not. For them I pose this question: If the one person you trusted, a spouse for example, was cheating on you, would you want to konw? If there was information that would at least make it clear whether trust had been broken or not, would you want to consider it and to make the decision yourself?Well then, let me share just such information that puts to question the truthfulness of one of the greatest religions in the world! I am agnostic by choice, but if any person can make explanations to clear these "errors" I will be glad to hear them.

Sunday, April 11, 2010

Politically Retarded : Why Kalonzo is a 25 year old adolescent


This weekend has seen an interesting mutation to the political discussion surrounding the draft constitution. The Rift Valley King Pin, or maybe just Pin, found himself lonely when his other two K’s seemed to desert him and to back the draft. Worse, his darling from the coast determined that for his political survival, voting against the draft would be disastrous! So one man called Najib was at pains to explain to no one in particular why his backing of the draft did not in any way bear on his romance with Ruto. But Ruto is not at a complete loss. Kalonzo remains a schizophrenic coward who at least for half the time will be on his side. At a time when the son of Tseikuru was celebrating a quarter of a century as a member of parliament, he seems to still be an adolescent when it comes to matters politico.

Monday, March 29, 2010

Aborted Celebration: Why The Tin Man lost a Friend


The Tin Man had been on a break. A hiatus, it is called - at least if your name is Tiger Woods and your not-black-wife has demanded that you quit your career as the best paid sportsperson in the world! At least he is coming back next month. But the point is, I am back. However, I return with less than exciting news. I lost a friend this past week. No, he did not die, but he may as well have. You see, he made a decision never to speak to me again. In his words, I am as good as dead. Well, I am The Tin Man, and if I have any feelings in me, they must be hidden within my shortest eyelash. But even so, I am not averse to noticing when a situation goes unnecessarily out of hand. I fear that in my venture to speak my mind, I may have come across as derogatory.

Saturday, March 13, 2010

Bad from the Beginning - Where Has all the Love Gone?

 I have just been watching a movie called What Love Is starring Cuba Gooding. The title is a bit misleading making it sound like a chic flick especially since the story is told on Valentine's Day. Also being enacted in one house makes it a bit monotonous and tiring for any action loving animal. It has a great strength in offering useful lessons and just like a porn movie, I had to watch it like an assignment - taking notes. That was a damn good question, What is love? I decided to ask an easier to answer question, Where has all the love gone? I have a friend who is in a marriage that for all intents and purpose is simply not working. But she claims to love her husband. When she finds condoms and earrings in his car while cleaning it for him she cannot bring herself to ask the difficult questions lest she hears the truth straight from his mouth. So she continues to love him not because he deserves it but because she would rather not know. She would rather belong to the devil than not belong at all. I do not get it so I wonder how she finds herself in that situation and when she does why she stays.

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Gay is just another word for Merry!

For a very long time I have been a self proclaimed homophobe. In fact, the topic is far concluded and does not come up for discussion. Not until recently. Kenyans have been fighting the prospect of gay and lesbian persons being granted the right to openly relate, marry and enjoy such rights as are conferred a heterosexual couple. In fact, Kenyans demonstrated just how much they detest homosexuality when they nearly lynched a gay couple suspected to be planning secret nuptials in the coastal town of Mombasa. It was a retaliation. Only months before that, a couple in the United Kingdom had caused so much embarrassment to the Kenyan community by wedding openly. I joined the bandwagon. I was hateful, even vengeful. But that was before I read an article by one Makau Mutua who is a Professor of Human rights. Mutua introduced me to a new term - Private Morality. Being the Tin Man, I opened my mind to the concept and I have since tried to understand what the furore is concerning gay relations. My research turned up shocking revelations. The African defense, and mine as well, has been that homosexuality is foreign, undesirable and un-African. That was about to be changed. I discovered that it is neither foreign, un-African nor was it undesirable until gun-totting religious preachers set foot in Africa.

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