Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Saving Salvation: My Private Letter to God

Dear God,

I am sure you are very busy dealing with Haiti and protecting Israel from evil Palestinians. But I would like to bring to your attention matters that have recently become an emergency in my country. I live in Kenya which is in East Afri... what am I saying, you made it so you must know where you placed it. We have had a great past with the gospel in this country but the past few weeks have become hell-on earth. Pardon my language. First, I hear that someone started a church and called it Helicopter of Christ. Blasphemy! We all know that Christ ascended to heaven. The good book says so. One of your servants must not have read that and is now linking divine ascension to a man made contraption called a helicopter. But I hear you are performing great miracles in the church so I presume you are not mad about that.

However, I cannot imagine you being OK with the peddling of your body parts in our capital city. You said in the good book that there will be fake prophets. I am having great difficulty telling the fake ones from the real ones. This one has called his church your finger! How now!? Why not your love or your grace or your wisdom? Please God, show your hand to us so that we can tell if this finger is any part of it. I know your finger wrote on the wall as a warning in the old testament. Let it write again to warn these sex-o-phony-ists against such jokes about your body parts. I cannot begin to fathom churches called your knees, toes or other parts that if I write you will strike me dead! Please nip this misbehaviour in the bud. ...on a related note, I know you have eyes because you see, ears because you hear, a mouth because you speak and a finger because you wrote; but do you have a colon or a premolar - for whatever the use?

All that said, my biggest challenge has become defending the faith against non-believers. It has always been hard but you never promised that it would be easy. I have been unable to explain to nay-sayers where for example you got a wife for Cain. I have been unable to explain how polar bears travelled from the North Pole to Noah's ark to escape the great floods. I am unworthy of such wisdom. I know that when I meet Noah in the sky, he shall be in a position to explain. I have been unable to show reason why your servants, whom you have given power to heal have not assailed the hospitals to heal all those afflicted by evil spirits especially one bad one called HIV. I know there must be a good reason why some people get sick. I mean, why would the healthy ones think it was a privilege?

This week my advocacy trouble become even worse. There is a town called Nakuru in my country about two hours' driv... wait, once again, you created it so you know where it is. I am facing a personal challenge because two pastors died in a road accident recently. That is not the problem. The believers at The Seekers of God Church (that is a powerful name) have been praying for the late preachers to rise from the dead. It is said that their work on earth is not done. I know that may be true but this is putting you to the test. You say in your book that to test and see that the Lord is good. I know you are good, but this examination into the depth of your goodness is very unsettling. God, if you raise these two from the dead, you will have to explain why you allowed them to die in the first place. When you raised Lazarus, it was only because your son had delayed wherever he was. This time, I get the feeling it was not a mistake. But, God, if you do not raise them from the dead, how will I defend your goodness and mercy? This is the one opportunity to prove to the heretics, pagans, atheists and agnostics that you are God. Kenyans are all waiting to see whether you will answer the prayers of your faithful, or whether they will have called your name in vain.

Jehovah, I am writing today because we have no time. I am writing because I must interrupt your efforts in Haiti and Israel. This is a point of reckoning for the gospel and the faith. Show thine self and raise these dead servants. Or at least Lord, show that it was within your purpose that they die. The deadline is  tomorrow, Thursday, 25th February. They are still praying. Check your spam mail because their calls might not have reached your inbox. Till then, I am carrying a small pocket Bible in the place of my large, leather bound, King James' version. I want to limit the whispers around me until your work is done.

I am waiting for your intervention. We all are.

Yours faith-full-y,
The Tin Man
(P.S. I do not have your email address but I have a feeling you will be reading my blog. If not, I know Gabriel your messenger is on FB and he will tag you)


  1. dude, you crazy! if he does, in fact, know everything as you say, you know he's gonna know you don't actually have a leather-bound KJV Bible, right? :D

  2. the only blog i visits..... the reason quite evidence in the way i am now on the floor laughing myself silly ooouuuch my

  3. TinMan, you ROCK! This humour has sure made my afternoon! ROTFLOL, literally...


  4. csmith23, I have heard you. In remedy, I have since acquired the said KJV Leather bound Bible.

    >Anonymous, sorry about the ribs. >Ray, much obliged.


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