Aborted Celebration: Why The Tin Man lost a Friend

The Tin Man had been on a break. A hiatus, it is called - at least if your name is Tiger Woods and your not-black-wife has demanded that you quit your career as the best paid sportsperson in the world! At least he is coming back next month. But the point is, I am back. However, I return with less than exciting news. I lost a friend this past week. No, he did not die, but he may as well have. You see, he made a decision never to speak to me again. In his words, I am as good as dead. Well, I am The Tin Man, and if I have any feelings in me, they must be hidden within my shortest eyelash. But even so, I am not averse to noticing when a situation goes unnecessarily out of hand. I fear that in my venture to speak my mind, I may have come across as derogatory.

Bad from the Beginning - Where Has all the Love Gone?

 I have just been watching a movie called What Love Is starring Cuba Gooding. The title is a bit misleading making it sound like a chic flick especially since the story is told on Valentine's Day. Also being enacted in one house makes it a bit monotonous and tiring for any action loving animal. It has a great strength in offering useful lessons and just like a porn movie, I had to watch it like an assignment - taking notes. That was a damn good question, What is love? I decided to ask an easier to answer question, Where has all the love gone? I have a friend who is in a marriage that for all intents and purpose is simply not working. But she claims to love her husband. When she finds condoms and earrings in his car while cleaning it for him she cannot bring herself to ask the difficult questions lest she hears the truth straight from his mouth. So she continues to love him not because he deserves it but because she would rather not know. She would rather belong to the devil than not belong at all. I do not get it so I wonder how she finds herself in that situation and when she does why she stays.

Gay is just another word for Merry!

For a very long time I have been a self proclaimed homophobe. In fact, the topic is far concluded and does not come up for discussion. Not until recently. Kenyans have been fighting the prospect of gay and lesbian persons being granted the right to openly relate, marry and enjoy such rights as are conferred a heterosexual couple. In fact, Kenyans demonstrated just how much they detest homosexuality when they nearly lynched a gay couple suspected to be planning secret nuptials in the coastal town of Mombasa. It was a retaliation. Only months before that, a couple in the United Kingdom had caused so much embarrassment to the Kenyan community by wedding openly. I joined the bandwagon. I was hateful, even vengeful. But that was before I read an article by one Makau Mutua who is a Professor of Human rights. Mutua introduced me to a new term - Private Morality. Being the Tin Man, I opened my mind to the concept and I have since tried to understand what the furore is concerning gay relations. My research turned up shocking revelations. The African defense, and mine as well, has been that homosexuality is foreign, undesirable and un-African. That was about to be changed. I discovered that it is neither foreign, un-African nor was it undesirable until gun-totting religious preachers set foot in Africa.

Rational Relations – Why only the Rich and the Beautiful should get laid

A friend of mine asked me recently whether a man can tell when they meet the woman who could be their wife. My response was swift and categorical. No. I suggested that one needed time to learn the woman and if any man claimed to tell a wife at sight, they only wanted to get laid. But I may not have had the opportunity to consider the question and to refine the response. I have since given it just thought and come up with conclusions that I am afraid will not be palatable to many a dear reader. Humans – no - animals have an innate ability to identify their potential mate. It’s a simple-complex process governed by a good hormone called a pheromone. The critical role of copulation has always been propagation of the species. Given that, the process of selection has always served the Darwinian end of self preservation.  Survival for the fittest. Anything else is hoopla! Love and marriage were a big mistake instigated by a group of women keen to detract the course of nature. Before you either damn me for my audacity or laud my nerve, let me share my argument.

Saving Salvation: My Private Letter to God

Dear God,

I am sure you are very busy dealing with Haiti and protecting Israel from evil Palestinians. But I would like to bring to your attention matters that have recently become an emergency in my country. I live in Kenya which is in East Afri... what am I saying, you made it so you must know where you placed it. We have had a great past with the gospel in this country but the past few weeks have become hell-on earth. Pardon my language. First, I hear that someone started a church and called it Helicopter of Christ. Blasphemy! We all know that Christ ascended to heaven. The good book says so. One of your servants must not have read that and is now linking divine ascension to a man made contraption called a helicopter. But I hear you are performing great miracles in the church so I presume you are not mad about that.

Esther A-wrong-gal : Why my fantasies are Hell-on earth

I am today a heart broken man. After a long time harboring decent or otherwise fantasies about a certain news anchor, I have received allegations that have made my heart sink. The Candid Tin Man is in pain. Men all over the world will concur that it is never easy to find brain and brawn in the same butchery. It is always the best brawn, or the best brain... but sadly never both. Seeing a woman on TV who for whatever the reasons seems brilliant despite being beautiful is a novelty. Men are allowed to fantasize about women on TV, even married men, so long as they have little chance of ever meeting them. That is why they do not complain when their women scream at David Beckham or Enrique Inglesias. The fantasies may beneficial in other fora that I will not discuss today.

Who’s Smarter Now? – Why Raila is Laughing at Kibaki

There is never a dull day in Kenyan politics. Just when I had imagined that the nation would be taking a break to concentrate on love, Raila Odinga in his capacity as Prime Minister granted Kenyans a Valentine’s present. He suspended two ministers mentioned adversely in corruption reports. That was high drama and a great climax. The movie ought to have ended. But President Mwai Kibaki was not done with his script. He granted the two ministers a timely gift by revoking the Prime Minister’s action. A twist in the twist and I am sure the movie is far from over. Kenyan’s were reminded of the intrigue following Raila’s action to evict settlers from Mau forest. It had been alleged that the President had set up the Prime Minister for what would be his political death and burial. Raila still stands. So did the President take a second shot at the target? Was Raila once again set up for the end of his political career?