Friday, December 11, 2009

Suicide for the Tiger in the Woods

Behind the success of Tiger Woods were over 10 beautiful women, and today, one woman will be responsible for the black spot in his career. His wife, Elin Nordegren. Yeah, I said it. Woods would rather have lost the wife that quit the sport. But in my usual Tin Man candor, I will provide hard fact to back the position. In his philandery, Woods committed no criminal offense. His action could only be categorized as a moral misdemeanor undeserving of the public crucifixion that the sports legend has faced. The ultimatum he was given was both unfair and anesthetized.

Let me address you Mr. Woods: In choosing your wife over your career, you have made the biggest mistake of your life! You have thrown out the baby with the bathwater. You have allowed panic and paranoia to cloud your judgement. From the beginning, your crime was never cheating, it was getting caught. Those hypocrites raising their voices against you ought to be ashamed. Like Pinocchio, may their noses grow longer for every time they mention your name in disdain. Who hasn’t stolen a few moments of excitement, or at least considered it? shows that 74% of men and 68% of women admit they would have an affair if they knew they would never get caught! Your career involves finding holes in many different patches of grass. We shouldn’t be surprised!

If you have a publicist, fire him because he’s done you a great disservice. You should have been better advised. For example, it was a terrible mistake not to attend the Chevron World Challenge. Such charity events are the evidence of a man who cares for society. They endear you to your fans and sponsors. It would have mitigated the damage to your reputation. Now you have lost Gillette and Buick as sponsors. Gatorade has cancelled a drink with your name. Nike Inc. and Accenture may be on the way so when that happens, you really will have hit rock bottom. That’s a lot of money gone and you have made it worse by ignoring your prenuptial agreement.

I know such an agreement exists because your wife will be receiving $80 million to stick by you. If the prenup didn’t exist she would have claimed half of the $600 million that Forbes approximated you were worth in 2009. Fire your lawyer as well because you should have paid her only $10 million for the five years of marriage had you decided to kick her out. She was to get $20 if the marriage lasted 10years. Of course you would have continued to provide for the children. I can understand her fear for holes in strange places but the decision to quit you career makes you as much an idiot as she is.

Listen, Tiger, golf made you what you are! Golf is probably the reason she married you. Golf is definitely the reason advertisers ogle at you. Nike Inc. built its golf line on the back of your success. The $800 million they make from you makes them least likely to dump you. It is your balls and your accuracy with many holes (on and off the course) that has made you the second richest African American in history, second only to Oprah. So paying off Elin Nordegren for her silence, at a time when you are shedding endorsements deals like a molting reptile, is career suicide. You should have dumped the wife. She has set a bad example for your daughter who is showing signs of a promising golf career herself.

A sex scandal was hardly the end of your career. Let me illustrate: R. Kelly had a preference for tender meat that got him in trouble with child services. He still went on to build a great career. George Michael was caught in a bathroom with a man! Guess what, after he admitted being gay, he went on to build a legacy in pop. While married to Jennifer Aniston, Brad Pitt started canoodling with Angelina Jolie while shooting Mr. and Mrs. Smith. Interesting that they are today one of the best known couple in show business! Maybe you should have married one of the porn stars in your ten long witness list. Michael Jackson is the classical best. After two accusations of child molestation, the man still sells records even in his death! Michael remains a legend despite admitting on international TV that he saw nothing wrong with a 40year old man sharing a bed with young boys. O.J. Simpson had a tough time fighting back into his career despite winning the landmark murder trial. But let’s face it, murder has got to leave some tough stains.

What you need to do is to get back in the game and win. That is how Kobe Bryant did it. You did not become famous because of your image as the perfect husband. It was your achievements on the greens. If all the companies pull out of their endorsements because of their shortsightedness, don’t panic. Remind them why you are the best. Channel your anger and frustration into winning the PGA tours in 2010. Don’t be fooled by the feminists shouting from the rooftops. Most of them are unmarried and would never nail a winner like you. It is their jealousy that is leading them to misadvise your less than intelligent wife. Mr. Woods, your heritage is more diverse than Obama's! You represent the Dutch, Chinese, Africans and Red Indians. All of them will be rooting for you as their hero and icon of success. The corporate fools will return. After all, they are within the 36% who admit having affairs with co-workers.

If Hillary and America forgave Clinton for 'dictating' to Lewinsky, who does Elin think she is to hold out? Even Jesus forgave Mary Magdalene for fornication and became a close friend of hers. We all have sinned or at least desired to and should not be casting stones. You broke no law and you have the prenup to protect your hard earned money. You should have let the marriage burn. After all, 53% of marriages in the US are doomed for divorce and only 31% of marriages survive after the discovery of infidelity. Your marriage is the lost cause. Elin is more likely to cheat on you later - fury of a woman scorned. But your career is definitely not over yet. Worst case scenario, you could write a book titled, Out of the Woods which I promise will be a best seller.

This remains the underlying position, you would rather have lost one hole that costs you money than to have lost the 18 holes that made you who you are. Simple arithmetic. Golf needs you. Sports needs you. Make haste and quit your hiatus.

The Tin Man.

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