Sunday, April 11, 2010

Politically Retarded : Why Kalonzo is a 25 year old adolescent

This weekend has seen an interesting mutation to the political discussion surrounding the draft constitution. The Rift Valley King Pin, or maybe just Pin, found himself lonely when his other two K’s seemed to desert him and to back the draft. Worse, his darling from the coast determined that for his political survival, voting against the draft would be disastrous! So one man called Najib was at pains to explain to no one in particular why his backing of the draft did not in any way bear on his romance with Ruto. But Ruto is not at a complete loss. Kalonzo remains a schizophrenic coward who at least for half the time will be on his side. At a time when the son of Tseikuru was celebrating a quarter of a century as a member of parliament, he seems to still be an adolescent when it comes to matters politico.

Just within the past week, Mr. Musyoka accompanied his sweet heart Ruto to claim publicly that there must be provided some room to discuss and consider further changes in the draft constitution. He was within two days to assert that he was confident the vote for the draft would be an absolute YES! Before you say that was double speak, he had invited the President to his home to brag to his constituents that while they have been starving for the past 25 years, he has been making friends with significant members of Kenyan society. So he allowed his boss to make a pronouncement that the draft was brilliant and that Kenyans must unite to vote for it. Kalonzo took the podium to lick his boss’ boot by stating his agreement. I think that his where his schizophrenic episode struck. He proceeded to claim that he was confident that parliament would amend what he called “The Mother Act” to enable the Interim Independent Electoral Commission, IIEC, to get their act together for the referendum. He was still biting into his tongue when he claimed that that would then be a brilliant opportunity to allow members of parliament to force their shortsightedness and sectarianism on Wanjiku.

I am convinced that this handsome face of Kenyan politics does not only look young, he is a baby! Politically speaking. That is not even the unfortunate thing. He is retarded – again, politically speaking. I am convinced because history has made it perfectly clear. Already perceived to be a fence sitter on national matters, Kalonzo has taken to courting everyone in the political divide I think hopeful of a repeat performance come 2012. He is wishful of another chance to pass in the middle and find his way into government. He has realized that in his inability to predict a likely winner come the general elections, he is better off sleeping with both and then making a decision when he absolutely must.  No sooner. How else would you explain the words of a man with the benefit of a Justice Minister for advice to speak about the constitution with the intelligence of a house help!? Actually, I apologize. That was an insult to the house helps.

Mutula Kilonzo must love the Vice President. He was swift to take the microphone and clarify that the process of making the constitution was not child’s play. It would not be a matter for simplistic individuals making situational iterations to fill in their speech time. He was careful not to allow the people of Tseikuru to discover the immaturity of their leader. Yes, I am still speaking politically. He was careful to take advantage of a rare opportunity where Kalonzo’s attention is not taken either by the son of Samoei or the son of Kenyatta who are brilliant at flirting with him, convincing him that a threesome makes for a perfect marriage. Kilonzo is aware that there must be some pretenders to his position of legal advisor who are misleading the VP. But Kalonzo has 25 years of political experience. What reason does he have to listen to this political novice who would only won due to his influence? Isn’t he better place to listen to the other political novice from central who has politics in his genes? I mean, his father was President! And what about the other deluded man who is convinced that Kenyan’s must love him the same way that Eldoret residents adore him!

Kalonzo Musyoka never passed through the middle of Kibaki and Raila. He got stuck in the middle. All along, he has been squeezed hard from both sides but is unflinching. He hates walking and the middle ground, feet suspended in the air is perfect for him. Sadly, he is hard of learning. He is aware that this arrangement may be fast coming to an end. He has looked for two new politicians to sandwich him and keep him elevated. He is a toddler who is not even interested in how the walking concept works. He will remain crawling for the next twenty five years that Tseikuru residents retain the mirage of a Kalonzo Presidency.  They are persuaded that short of a presidency, their member of parliament is at a loss to provide a lasting solution to their food, water and education problems. But one member from Kangundo may not be as dim witted as other politicians from the region. Let it be held as a Tin man prophecy. Mr. Muthama will leap frog Kalonzo and become the real hope where the VP failed. In his first term as Member of Parliament he is clearly more mature than the seasoned wiper-man. Politically speaking of course.

The Tin Man

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